Healthy Relationships vs Unhealthy Relationships


Healthy relationships have a sense of security & comfort vs uncertainty & doubt…

There should be a 2 way street feeling. Where both listen and truly hear each others concerns and ideas and do their best to resolve a win win for both parties, or partners.

Unhealthy relationships have a lack of empathy towards their partner. Healthy relationships have the ability to understand the other partners needs and do their best to the responsibility of the relationship to create resolution in every opportunity.

Healthy relationships are built upon trust and appreciation towards one another. The gratitude that they share with each other maximizes itself over any need to ridicule or condemn in any way.

Unhealthy relationships make their partner dependent on the other with the attention they give them, or financially dependent, etc. This is a control mechanism for one to feel more superior than the other, which shows there is no solid trust within the foundation of the relationship, therefore, fear wins and makes one superior over the other.

Healthy relationships have no dependency because they are inter-dependent, meaning they both need eachother, so they value and respect each other enough to commit to their responsibilities and do their part so they can interweave their footprints with one another in a solid responsive way.

Unhealthy relationships put the other person down, comparing and condemning them, because they are trying to replace the lack of trust for something solid. Condemnation creates a solid expression, but is still not the same as simply having a bond built on trust.

Healthy relationships are honest and to the point, and also focusing on the strengths more than the flaws in the relationship, so that the inspiration of the strong points can build a stronger foundation of trust and belief in one another. Healthy relationships believe in eachother, because they also believe in themselves. One can only let go of condemnation towards others, when they have let it go within themselves and their own self talk.

Unhealthy relationships are emotionally withdrawing from their partner based on whatever mood they are in, and selfishly caring more about their own feelings than the win win of them and their partner. This also includes silent treatments when the partner has “failed to meet your standards”.

Healthy relationships realize, that your standards can only be given when the relationship has a solid amount of trust in it. This trust is what ignites the highest good of all to allow itself into the relationship. At some point the trust, turns into faith in the other person, which ultimately means you believe in them, which is a reflection of how you also are believing in yourself.

Unhealthy relationships have one partner constantly telling the other what their “problems” or “flaws” are, and then reward them with loving behavior temporarily, to satisfy the immediate moment, which is a way to control the other partner over their possibly legitimate reactions to the other partners emotional inconsistency. But because the trust is still not established there is no faith wide enough for the ears to hear the needs of their partner.

Healthy relationships know how to balance out the need to communicate with the need to really hear the other person. There is an amicable way of relating and discussing ideas together.

Unhealthy relationships can have curse words, or even a need to feel physically violent, which is super low vibration and makes the relationship sink like a ship, regardless of how much effort it took to build the ship. This destroys the trust in a relationship. This kind of emotional abuse makes the other partner feel they are not important, and their feelings dont matter.

Healthy relationships honor each others feelings allowing for more faith and trust to solidify the relationship. They know there isn’t anything they cant conquer together. They know there is a solution to every problem that has a win win outcome. They are constantly looking out for each other, and are always focused on the good. Which ultimately conquers all evil.

Unhealthy relationships are constantly making remarks about the other persons “issues” and always blaming the other person for being at fault and provoking you. Saying things such as “Your taking things too seriously”, or “I never said that”, “you are provoking me”, pretending the things they once said, they never said, anything to escape conversing in the moment to get more solid with one another. Then they blame the other person without taking any responsibility or response to the situation which is emotionally abusive.

Healthy relationships are more focused on the positive. Empowering the strengths and gifts in the their partner. Always instilling strength in them to feel better and stronger than ever before! This is where the win win experience begins.

Unhealthy relationships make the other person constantly doubt themselves, giving no faith in their gifts, zero empowerment, zero compliments, zero appreciation. Emotionally invalidating their partner making them feel powerless, and thus the relationship fails in its trust and faith in one another. Making the other person feel they can no longer even trust their intuitive feelings and questioning themselves makes their partner weaker, which helps no one.

If something like this occurs, then the partner who is subjected to this criminal abuse, either continues to empower the other person, hoping that they will see the light, and is strong enough to carry the relationship forward even with all the ridicule. However, at some point they must put their foot down, unless they want to constantly become the punching bag of a lower vibrations lack of trust and faith within themselves. One does not need to be a victim to this any longer and must demand a 2 way street in order to re-establish balance in the relationship. Otherwise mistrust and ones inner negative feelings toward themselves will take over the relationship and turn into misery for both. The lead can not be the victim who is still holding on to misery. Especially if this person is in denial about their own personal misery being projected onto their partner.

In a healthy relationship, one can express their own misery and inner negative feelings and be able to trust their partner can assist them to feel more trust in them, and therefore, replace any lack from their past into their partner, and see the light again.

In an unhealthy relationship, one always blames the other person for being “unstable” for example, and then deflects any accusation from the other partner, out of fear that they may be wrong.

When someone is secure, they have no fear of being wrong, because they have no problem accepting responsibility for everything in their lives. An insecure person can not accept being wrong, and therefore isn’t humble enough to grow in a relationship w themselves or others. They do not feel the need to take any responsibility for how they are making you feel, and instead provokes the other person with their emotional dissonance and then blames the other person, instead of conversing in an amicable way. Unhealthy relationships are filled with security.

Healthy relationships thrive off of security.

Unhealthy relationships make the other person feel insecure about the relationship.

In healthy relationships, any disagreement transcends into resolution- through clear communication, healthy boundaries, trust, understanding and action. Even if there is a habitual negative pattern in one partner, there is ultimately the deepest level of trust in that person, which is what accumulates and creates a safety haven for the other to turn their negative habit into a positive one.

In a intimate relationship with one, if jealousy comes up, it is dealt with in a healthy manner. Unhealthy relationships however, when these kinds of issues come up, choose instead to “keep their options open” through their words and actions, constantly creating more drama and insecurity within the bond. Instead of creating more trust and closeness, one partner is Ultimately creating a lack trust, rather than gaining it. This is not a healthy relationship.

These unhealthy kinds of tactics keeps one partner more superior than the other, creating a unhealthy separation. Keeping the other “on their toes” or in check. It makes in a intimate relationship, one so busy competing with the other options that they cant even focus on their personal goals, because they are too busy feeling unstable within the relationship, causing triggers for one to feel unstable within themselves.
In a healthy relationship We want to produce healthy triggers not unhealthy triggers. We all have triggers. Which are you producing in yourself? Which are you producing in your partner?

When one has the need to feel superior, they immediately create separation ,which ignites the ego and creating walls for one to hide behind, creating a construct of qualities and traits one presents to the world that are not totally true to where one is at. A false self appears to others, meanwhile there is negative feeling within towards self for creating that separation. The armor of this person can get so thick and cover itself in a coat of denial, that they will develop a lack of empathy for others, loved ones, and new relationships over time as well. Becoming more and more detached to the world around them.
Unhealthy relationships one becomes charming and loving sweet and says profound things about the future, and shortly after ridicules and invalids all that ways said and belittles daily. NO one doing this will grow until they can drop this illusion through their behavior. This behavior is a form of COGNITIVE DISSONANCE. Which eventually if one succeeds at this behavior, then the other person begins to doubt themselves, and blame themselves. Although good awareness came come from this, its not the ultimate direction that a healthy relationship can lead.

In a healthy relationship, For every negative thing one person says, it is healthy to say an extra 5 positive things, to assist the person to awaken their souls into inspiration and motivation to growth and transformation.

When the negative becomes superior to the positive in any relationship, one feels the need to constantly “improve” themselves, never feeling that they can reach your standards. Even if they follow them, there will always be something else to improve upon, because the negative is noticed, but the positive is not appreciated, leading a person to be lead by negative emotion vs positive inspiration. This is unhealthy.
When one blames themselves too often, for not ever feeling good enough to follow the speed of their partners constant expectations and standards that are never ending, with out any show of appreciation or gratitude, eventually it shows that both have negative self esteem. one for having the need to create separation which comes from separation from within. And the other one for being patient beyond means, thus creating more insecurity and stress within self, and no longer is there a positive lead in the relationship. Thus, no one can help you out of that, except for 2 willing partners. Who can see into themselves far enough to want to focus on the light, the positive outcomes, possibilities, and dreams through their words, efforts, and positive gratitude.

In healthy relationships, one points out the areas that one can grown in in a loving way, and because the trust is already there, they trust that advice, and allow it to move them. In a negative relationship there is physical and emotional dissonance.

In healthy relationships there is compliments, upliftment, positive words and emotions because it reflects the positive way they feel about themselves inside. I think therefore I am.

In a unhealthy relationship, one bear witnesses to the others coldness indifference and detachment, and you think thats your “freedom”, you got it all backwards. This is jaded and unhealthy.

A partner is not just another another source of supply. This must be a healthy boundary to be said and understood.

In a healthy relationship, both people must know what it means to truly love themselves.

Being in Love

To be in love with someone first means you must be in love with you.  You must learn how to be content and not need any external validation to confirm your existence of being a live Human Being.  Content means you are one with the God Conscious Molecule.  This means your cells are happy and your vibration is high in its contentment.  Being content means you are free to be present and  content in a moment.  When we aren’t able to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere.   Tranquility means that the truth is open and free in any given environment.  In an environment it means that individuals are free to be themselves.  However, in order to be yourself, the next question is who are we? What is the “Self”?  When the self is unfiltered, all it needs in order to thrive is its basic necessities, and to enjoy this lovely place.  Being in love with you is key if you ever want a healthy relationship and especially a healthy child.  This way you are not projecting any fears onto your partner, and loosing the trust within the relationship.  One must heal wounds that repeat the same old victim, story, and have risen from their story, in order to be a fully loving and empowering human being to self, and to others.  The relationship in order to feel safe enough to truly love each other, must be nourished enough first in their own love of self.  If this is not the case, then the relationship will eventually fall apart, or remain together not truly fulfilled by each others presence.  This is unfortunate, because we are all capable of experiencing this state of true love.  It starts within yourself.  From there it expands and works through all things and remains in a state that have no words to describe.  Love of the now is a feeling that words may not be available to describe.  It requires the art of divine discipline to embrace life, and feel daily love within yourself.  I requires a daily practice of lifestyle, that embodies grace, ease, and light.  Through this lifestyle, your self love expands, allowing for more feelings per thought to come through.  This raises your level of self love, thus love in a partnership.   Daily Self-Love is a Requirement if we are interested in Global Peace.  It starts with ourselves. When the expansion of this is shared, it becomes a movement.  Movements over time, create new Cultures.  Imagine what is possible for the Human Race…

The Omega Point is Now


At this time in evolution, we are all arriving at a place, where we are able to see and take more sensitive notices of our deep interconnectedness together. Now more than ever time and space is compressing as to unite us with our deepest level of awareness into the union of creation. This divine place of union feels like an explosion of deep passionate love.  The powers that be that seem so far outside us at times are drawing closer together and we are internalizing this power within.  The Masculine and the Feminine in us all are beginning to resonate in higher levels of vibration.  The Masculine representing the God within us, and the Feminine representing the Mother Earth within us.  Things become very sentimental, and all beings become more attuned to their nature. Soul mate connections get re-ignighted, or even ignighted in deeper ways for the very first time. Past challenges of ones history (“his-story”), no longer takes up any residual in the mind, body or heart. Pains and sufferings come to a head, which leads each other to listening even more carefully to hear the call of the blessing in disguise. The pains and suffering become more honest and direct with the underlying core root of the emotional shield. This allows ones divine self to see the options that one might have to evolve and balance one self. These options lead to more optimal choices of heaven on earth Human Infinite Experiences. The power is in the freedom of choice. The beauty of our filters or fears are when we are shielded we can always look to see whats underneath the filter. When we notice the shield, then we become able to see whats underneath it in other words. When we have this kind of consciousness we can transmute our thoughts, to receive the alchemy of our divine souls purpose and see all obstacles as illusions, or fears of separation.  So we embrace the obstacles, as a means to overcome it and transmute its potential to experience more of our unique divinity within.  We can use our thoughts to see all of our options, as to make the choice that feels the most optimal to our highest souls purpose.  We are entering The Omega Point…………….NOW.

What does it mean to be emotionally honest to yourself?  “Emotional self-honesty”, is a term used to describe a certain way of living.  It means that there is no shield, no covering up, no sweeping feelings under the table.  You are free to be, free to see, free to express who you are without needing to hide anything to yourself.  Emotional self-honesty is a term that is meant to be towards yourself as a type of internal discovery towards inner and outer freedom in self and in social settings.

Sometimes, when something exciting happens, if we don’t always feel that those around us are free enough to hear it, (meaning they wouldn’t be happy, instead they might get jealous or insecure), then we become limited in how we feel free enough to express our greatest truths.  So we limit our emotional integrity, by not being completely honest with the truth of how we really feel in a moment, thus creating suppression which leads to disease.  On the flip side, if you practice Emotional Self-honesty, you will be able to transmute those feelings of holding back, into full on expression!!!!  And those around you will immediately catch on to your excitement.  After all — the fear that one may not understand how great you feel,  is only a fear.  Fears are illusions we create based on previous conditioning.  We don’t even need to “Fear God”, because if we are living in the light, there is nothing to fear.

Now this is a purification process to clarify.  Once you demand this of yourself, to live in a place of complete emotional self-honesty, you will begin to feel much more free, and overtime, more and more free to be yourself, with no restrictions, 100% in the moment, present without any residual.

Say you are going through a moment of “loneliness”, which again is fear based, so it is only an illusion.  However, without judgement say this is how you feel.  Instead of pretending you feel fine, and taking a bunch of photos of yourself and uploading them onto your FaceBook page, or eating a bunch of food to hide the way you feel, just stop. Wait, do nothing, except for become emotionally present and honest with yourself.  By taking the time with yourself to love yourself enough to be patient and kind to yourself, you will accomplish light years of healing and evolving work for yourself.

Emotional Self-honesty is about becoming more real with yourself…Free to be you without any buffers, filters, or hiding.  Fully transforming into the divine being that you were created to live up to.

Here are some of the questions that Emotional Self-honesty will help you with to get down to the core of whatever it is that is bothering you.  Remember it can be a great feeling that you are afraid to express, or it can be a unhealthy feeling that you are resisting to accept.  Either way, transparency is the goal.  Total transparency is where Emotional Self-honesty leads you.  Which allows you to be more accepting of yourself, which shows up in your love for yourself.  When this occurs, the idea of “God” and “I” merge into one.  From this place endless infinite possibilities are available to you at your fingertips…

The workshops will go in to much farther detail- but for now, this is a simple example:

1)  How do I feel right now?  (ex. alone)

2)  Why do I feel alone?  (ex. because I feel a lack of community)

3)  Why then can’t I create what I want myself  (ex. because my upbringing contradicts the idea of closeness)

4)  How can I feel closer to myself?  ( “X_____(your name) I love you so much, I forgive myself  for thinking I do not deserve

to feel the closeness of myself.  I see now that my need to see closeness in my social setting, and yet, my fear in creating it on my

own comes from not feeling it within.  I am humbled by this discovery, and I choose now to deepen my love towards myself.

5)  I see that my feeling of being “lonely” is an illusion based on fear, all it really means is that I have been afraid to be closer

in love with myself.  I see too that my feeling of “needing” community, was my feeling of wanting to be closer to myself, so I

can be empowered to create one.

6)   I came here to be the change I want to see.

7)    I choose to be responsible and look into the shadow of my light in the mirror.

8)   I love myself, and I believe I can be much closer to myself and explore where those possibilities can take me.

(for future reference, please check out the “Self-Declaration” post to go deeper into this work.


-DeAnna Elkin

What would your life be like if you were fearless?  Who would you be? What kinds of experiences would you be having daily?

To actually transmute (release and re-condition) self-denial, which comes from a fear,  one must first be able to allocate what the person is in self-denial about for starters.  So for instance, say the self-denial is about a utter feeling of emptiness, and loneliness.  This right here is a part of being in self-denial.  The self is only meant to experience light and goodness.  After all, we are spiritual beings having a human experience, which means everything that is alive has the right to live in the light at all times.  This is what our human cells were actually destined for.  We have conditioned ourselves to be disbelievers of this reality, and thus disempowered the process of self-love.  So now once you have found the underlying emotion that proves there is some aspect of not being content in the bod/mind & soul, which is in this case “unhappiness, or emptiness”, then follow that negative emotion to the root of its fear.  This simply takes awareness to follow carefully.  For instance say in this case, this person is constantly late to important events, thus causing a negative talk towards him/her often.  To get to this place one must look within using objective consciousness.  When you think this way, you don’t have  a need to protect your pain.  So lets take this a step deeper. Say this persons mother or father was always late and created disappointment for this person as a child, and thus this person is projecting his/her pain onto others.  Once all these factors are understood, the question is. Do you want to heal and evolve?  Would you like to break through all your pre-conditioned fears you have embodied?  If that answer is a yes, then you might want to do some emotional processing work, which means you emotionally release the triggers that created the self-denial, as well as the fear.  You are able to release the sadness, anger, or any other kind of suffering, through conscious choice of creating a better NOW.

So here is the idea to transmute it:

1)  Allocate the underlying emotional deficiency AKA a feeling (ex. unhappy/lonely etc)

2)  Find the action of that emotional self denial challenge (ex. constantly late and disappointing others)

3)  Discover the root of that action (ex. parent was always late and created a pool of disappointment)

4)  Realize that you are the change.  The power is in the choice to change this pattern for good.

5)  Do some emotional processing  ( more info on that to come in these posts ).

5)  Do silent meditation for one hour a day.  Use the last 5 minutes to do a visual journey of imagining what your life may be like in

this place of ease and grace.  If the (ex disappointing others) was no longer there, and that fear was no longer sabotaging you,

what would your life be like?  Imagine all the infinite possibilities!

6)  After one month of this work daily, begin to write a Self-Declaration.  This will enable you to further experience and exercise

the different ways you can maximize your human potential. Please check separate blog “Declaration”, for more info.


Please share if there are any questions to further explore this post.  Thank you,


DeAnna Elkin


Expanding Consciousness

Expanding Consciousness is our survival & thrival strategy.

Consciousness is the Perspective on Existence. Reality is the experience of consciousness, or the being experiencing existence.

Expanding Consciousness is the expanding perspective of a being. A being can be a concept, a person, object, animal, collective group of people, a planet, a universe, existence itself.

Mastery of a craft often leads to a spiritual experience because one is in a state of coherence while performing the craft. With coherence, one is more likely to create something novel, thus expanding consciousness.

“Fresh eyes” also expand consciousness by incorporating a novel perspective into the collective being. While masters have proficiency evolving down certain paths, a fresh perspective exposes new paths.

Biological life, and humans, rely on evolution to create novel solutions to transcend the situation.

Humanity is in a struggle to survive. Our dominant models, institutions, & practices have lead to an imbalance & instability in our global & local systems. We are in need of transcendence by evolving successful solutions, combining sustainable ancient teachings with new solutions.

Spirituality is the desire to expand consciousness. Spiritual work expands consciousness in both the act of doing and with the end result. New solutions & breakthroughs occur. Spiritual work is the process of transcendence, which allows us to survive & thrive in our personal & collective situations.